The Lady In A Man's Armor
by WonderRand
Summary: "You are a disgrace to our family!" My father once said. His words burned into my being, and I thought I would forever be scarred. Meiko x KAITO
1. Chapter 1

"You are a disgrace to our family!" My father once said. His words burned into my being, and I thought I would forever be scarred.

I couldn't do it. I was never cut out to do it, to be the stereotype woman my family would be proud of. I was never beautiful enough, never graceful enough, never lady-like enough, I wasn't qualified to become a honorable wife, not in my home country at least.

A lady must know how to cook, how to do housework, how to sew, how to embroider, how to dance, how to play music if possible, how to please her husband, how to raise children, but she mustn't learn how to defend herself, how to hold a sword or a bow, no, because self-defense is only for men. She mustn't ride a horse, get drunk, choose her husband, or just enjoy herself in general, for her happiness was guaranteed to be in being the typical housewife, not in having a little bit of freedom at all.

And I wasn't even asking for my freedom. I was just a total failure.

No matter how many lessons I took, I couldn't dance. I couldn't walk femininely enough. My cooking was just passable. I couldn't sew or embroider except for the most basic things. I couldn't bring myself to like my long brown hair, I have always wished to have it cut shorter, perhaps shoulder length, but surely enough that also would be considered a disgrace, and no man would agree to marry me, as if I actually cared. I don't care if marriage was a golden cage, it was obviously a cage nonetheless. the fact that the bars you were imprisoned behind were made of gold held no importance. A cage is a cage, golden or iron.

I do not consider myself to be manly. I am a woman. Just not the typical boring housewife I was enforced to become, failing in the end anyway. I am a different type of woman, a woman who wanted to stand for herself and not let others control her life. A woman who wanted to have her own personality, likings, and dislikings, not the local ones every other woman was brought up to have.

"A woman should be soft and sweet. Delicate and graceful."  
well excuse me father, but I'm not exactly a delicate flower, and I don't wish to spend my life pretending to be one just so I could find a man to enslave me and make me his housewife.

I understand that even if I got to choose who I wanted to live my life with, I would still need to learn how to cook better, how to sew the most basic clothings, and how to treat my husband so that I could be worthy of him, but that way I would try to learn it with my own will, I won't be forced to do it. He'd accept me if I couldn't dance or sing, he'd accept me if I liked fencing and horse riding, he'd accept me because he married me knowing that it was who I truly am. I don't want to live a lie, to play pretend till the last day of my existence, to force the hobbies and interests of local woman onto me. I want to be myself. The free bird who I was born to be. But who in the world would accept me like that, as a friend or a lover, when my own family couldn't even tolerate me?!

I'm already 23 years old and not engaged yet, and that's considered rather late in my country.  
I was so close to engagement once, to the son of a high society family, but I ruined it. I don't know what had they seen in me at first, but I accidentally spilled the tea over the table in front of them once, and damaged whatever picture they had in mind for me.

The second man who came asking for my hand was the son of a general in the army. General Kamui had once been friends with my father when he served in the army. However, his son clearly disliked me from the first time our families met and decided to back away.

That doesn't really make me feel half bad about myself. I do not pride myself for how much of a desirable bride I can be. My pride comes from who I am and what will I be able to achieve in my life, no matter how small, as long as it was my own choice.

"You're a shame to our family!" My father yelled at me as he heard of the marriage of our neighbor's daughter, Hatsune Miku, who was five years younger than me.  
And so be it. I don't care. It hurts to hear it but pain enough won't change my mind, or convince me to become someone else.

"I'm really worried about you! In the end we're all going to pass away and you'd stay alone! You need a man to protect you and take care of you!"  
Wrong. I do not need anyone to protect me or take care of me. I want to handle that by myself. I understand that my father really cares about me, but that's not how I want to live. But of course, I wouldn't dare speak my mind in his presence. I have done so many times before and gained nothing, except for getting myself a punishment and making my father angry, which was not good for a man his age, and in his conditions.

"I'm sorry, father." I apologized disingenuously.  
" Let us see where will your useless apologies and rash actions lead you. But once you realize how much shame you have brought onto your mother and I, your sisters and your grandmother, do not come and beg me for forgiveness, do not come and ask me to fix it. You are not a child anymore! When will you grow up and become a lady?! Not the man you are. Good thing that your sisters are older than you and already married, otherwise you would have cursed them too with your recklessness and childishness!"

"I..am..a man?! So you say I am a man?!" I couldn't hide the raging anger in my voice.

"No. you are just a boy. You're not even mature enough to be a man."

"Father! Do you realize what you have just said?! I'm your own daughter! Your own flesh and blood!

"You aren't. I disown you. A true Sakine would have at least respected her elders enough to obey them." His voice was dark and firm.

I felt tears start to well in the corners of my eyes, something that rarely ever happened. My father had disowned me. I was no longer a Sakine. From now on, I was just Meiko. My family hated me enough to kick me out.

"Fine!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, successfully hiding the melancholy in my voice. I swallowed the burning bitterness of guilt before I spoke up:

"But don't come and beg me to help you when you are old and dying."

I turned my back to him letting tears stream down my face, wishing that Earth would open up and swallow me. I hurt my father who was only worried for me, and I was very sorry I wish I had died before it happened, but my pride did not allow me to apologize at the moment so I headed to my room to cry it out instead.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for reading the first chapter. Special thanks to those who left me a review. I apologize because I don't always reply to the reviews; I'm really busy and quite awkward, but I read them (and love them) all. Thank you again.

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 **Chapter 2:**

Somehow, I managed to upset everyone and ruin my family's evening with my actions. That was perhaps the only thing I was good at. Destroying, ruining, and just messing up everything.

My eyes were long dry by now; I am a strong woman. But my lack of tears did not mean I wasn't affected, and deep inside I was still crying. Every single part of me except for my eyes, was flooding with tears of sorrow and guilt.

I needed to make it up for my father somehow, to gain my family's blessing and forgiveness again, but that was out of question. It was my father who I inherited my demeanor from . He would be too proud to take back his decision, and my pride would hold me back from apologizing, especially now that a good few hours had passed by. Hit while the iron is hot, they say; that's probably what I should have done, for the topic was getting harder to approach by the minute. But what's done is done, there was no going back now, I had to face the penalty of what I've committed.

I swallowed all the unpleasant feelings and caged them well inside my chest. It hurt, but it was too late to change decisions now.

Finally, after my family gave up to slumber, I allowed myself out of my room. Everything was still; no gleam of light beneath any door; no sound other than the wind outside, but the uneasiness was somehow still in the air.

I walked in utter darkness feeling my way around the walls and the sliding doors, until I could see the dim light of the moonbeam falling dreamily through the living room's window, giving the wooden floor a certain charm that is not present in mornings. The gentle breeze was inviting, and all I wanted was to go sit there and clear my mind, let my soul cool down, and exhale all the anger out.  
But my bare feet froze in their place when I heard footsteps across the room, and I hid back in the darkness and waited, observing.

It seems I was mistaken, because my father was still awake. My heart ached, and in different settings, I would have ran to him and bowed, offering my apologies, but I was still injured with open wounds from our previous conversation, so I remained in my place and waited purposelessly.

"But dear, you can't really go fighting you know, you're an old man, and age has its own rights. What in the name of God is the Emperor thinking? Why did his choice fall on an old man like you? Yes, you were fairly the fighter in your youth, but that was long ago!" I heard my mother's warm and caring voice whisper in the darkness, although I couldn't see her from where I was standing.

"The Emperor's resolution isn't the most wise, but we can only go along with it. I am still a strong man, and I am honored to be requested for the elite squad in the peace keeping force. It would be most dishonorable for me to abscond from my responsibility when my country needs me the most." My father's deep voice came soon after.

I shook my head trying to analyze what just took place in front of my eyes.

"I understand, but isn't it too dangerous? Isn't General Kamui too old to fight as well? Shouldn't you discuss this further with him?" My mother asked, half-defeated by my father's obstinacy.

"General Kamui's son will take his place in the squad, he's rather a strong young man. Perhaps if we had been blessed with a boy instead of the… ** _disaster_** we have, we **_may_** have considered sending him in my place."

'Disaster'? I am a disaster? I shook my head again kicking off the last thought, that was not the right thing to focus on.

"Father!" I shouted without much thinking, walking towards my parents. "The Emperor is foolish and irrational! You cannot handle a fight! For God's sake, you can hardly move around the house on your own! You've already done so much for our country in your youth, it's not your responsibility any longer!". My voice was furious and overflowing with worry. It appeared both my parents were surprised to know I was still awake.

"I thought I had told you not to call me your father. Do not make me repeat myself any further, you are not my daught-.."

"Yes, I am not your daughter, I am your **_disaster!_** I am the mistake you made twenty-four years ago, I am this family's shame, I am your worst regret! To hell with you and your rigidity! You cannot go! How would you go wielding your katana when you actually relay on your cane to stand up?! That's senseless , it's suicide!" I exploded at him like a grenade, my body shaking with all the rage and fury. I gasped violently, trying hard to catch my breath, but my wrath-loaded gaze was still sharp like daggers.

"Suicide is most honorable and cherished when it's for the sake of my motherland. I don't not wish to hear about this from you any further." My father muttered flatly, not bothering to meet my gaze. He turned his back to me, placing an object that I couldn't identify on a table beside him, then walked back to his bedroom, followed by mother, his voice still echoing in the depth of my mind.

"Little Meiko-chan is being naughty." another voice called startling me; the most peaceful and comforting voice that I know of, "We –women- do not order men around. We do not tell them what to do. Look at your mother for example, she tried her best to convince him gently, but she didn't try to force her opinion on him." My grandmother continued.  
I had many things in my head against what she was saying, objections were rising and clashing in my head, but I tried to keep the revolution inside of me. An old woman who had lived all her life obeying the stupid outdated social rules would never understand, and it wasn't even her fault.

"Grandma…" was all I said in reply.

"You remind me of my younger self, Meiko-chan. At a point, I had similar thoughts to yours, but if you ask me, you're better off without them. It'd be much easier"

Despite her old age, grandma's blue eyes still had the shimmer of youth and energy in them. She was a very simple person, and so young at the heart. Her warm smile was sometimes enough to give me that feeling of safety. With her around, I'd always be safe.

"Right. I honestly know it would. Thank you grandmother." I smiled and gave her a quick hug before she walked back to her bed slowly, mostly relaying on her cane.

I picked up the object my father put down a moment ago, it turned out to be a paper roll. It was the message he had received today, with the Emperor's signature at the bottom. He had decided to form a squad and send it over to the Kingdom of Aozra, for the purpose of maintaining peace. It didn't seem dangerous to me, but the letter mentioned that the members were chosen for their supreme physical or mental abilities, and they were to be subjected to a lot of training and tests before they are chosen from, thus not everyone was going to make it into the squad, but only the finest. The others were to join the backing up groups in case any conflicts broke out.

Whatever he was plotting, the Emperor was surely out of his mind, choosing such old men for his plan. I wish I could send **_him_** with the troops so he could take taste of what he cooks.

But a man's order in his house was to be obeyed at all costs, ultimate and absolute. The Emperor's decision was absolute, my father's decision was absolute, women were only to agree politely, support whatever was said, and pray for good luck.  
But they're all mistaken if they thought that's the category I fall under. If I couldn't persuade my father, I was going to save him by force, whether he liked or not.

I was going to make an absolute and final decision of my own, I was going to be the first woman to force her opinion on her family, completely deaf to their objections. I was going to disobey both the emperor and my father, for I was going to go in place of my father and join the cursed army.

Finally, that I had set my goal, my mind was peaceful again as I headed to the storage room. I grabbed my father's katana and started waving it around like I always liked to do, to test my skills, and they turned out fine as ever. My joints were flexible and my muscles were strong enough. Even if I lacked experience, I would surely make a better soldier than my father at this age. Before I placed the katana in its place, I gathered my hair above my head in a ponytail with one hand, and slashed through it with the other.

A feeling of gloom and a bit of regret washed over me as I watched my long brown tresses scatter around on the floor, but it didn't matter; I was going to save my father and become a honorable soldier for our empire at the same time. And with a bit of luck, maybe my family would become proud of me for being brave enough and offering my soul for the empire and the emperor.

I placed my father's old armor on me, and even though it was quiet oversized, I immediately knew that it was where I belonged. Behind the armor, nobody would know what your body looked like, nobody would be able to tell whether you were a man or a woman. Behind the armor, there was equality. Behind the armor there was a lady who wanted to make her family proud, a lady in a man's armor.

"Shiro, come here boy!" I called my horse as I finally finished equipping myself with whatever I thought I would need. I wanted to leave a short letter for my family, but it would have seemed as if I was seeking their attention, or desperately asking them to come find me so I decided against it.

I crossed the house's gates quickly with Shiro, fully determined and not bothering to look back. I was going to protect my father, redeem myself in my family's eyes, and possibly make them proud of their little disaster.


	3. Chapter 3

Finally, a proper update xD I'll be updating more frequently from now on (hopefully).  
As always, thanks for reading the previous chapter. Special thanks to those who left reviews. You always encourage me to continue my less-than-humble works, you really are the reason why this chapter exists xD thank you

And to those confused by the mention of General Kamui and his son, I'd like to inform you that I'm not going to follow the exact plot line of the original story, so Kaito isn't going to be the captain in this fic, but he'll show up sooner or later in a different role. (but I assure you, he _ **IS**_ the one I'll ship Meiko with. Not Kamui.)

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Chapter 3:

The army camp had been quite the mess so far. I have only arrived a few hours ago, but I could tell this was going to be a chaotic hell. It was way different from what I had pictured in my head before, the mental image I had of a serious well-organized group of responsible men with one united goal was shattered. Nobody was waiting where we were asked to stay. Quarrels were breaking out everywhere, with fists, kicks, knives, and more. Some people were just slacking around, already drinking even though it wasn't even midday yet, some of the older men were bragging and weaving tales of their heroic achievements in previous wars against fearsome gigantic creatures that could breathe fire, with some of the younger boys listening deeply in awe… The whole military unit with all its 'special-squad would-be's was just bunch of failures, if you ask me.  
That was until the loud, catastrophic, thunder-like yell of Captain Kamui fell upon us.

"SILENCE!"  
"You useless scum! You think **_you_** will make it into the peacemaking elite squad?! What good will you bring our great Empire with your foolishness?! You cursed lazy weaklings should be ashamed of yourselves!"

Silence enveloped the place as everyone quickly gathered and stood in lines, facing the tall, well-built, lavender-haired captain. You'd hardly believe these were the same people from just a moment ago. I held my head high and pulled my shoulders back puffing my chest, trying to copy the posture everyone seemed to hold. It felt rather funny.

"Is that Gakupo Kamui, the General's son?" A brown-haired man who was standing in front of me whispered.

"Maybe…I don't know.." I lied, pretending that I was never his wife would-be. When I realized I had used my natural voice it was already too late. I faked coughing and tried to make my voice sound deeper, hoping that I sounded manly enough.

"Do you even know how to stand up?" A young blond man with a smaller frame standing parallel to me commented at my apparently failing attempt. I didn't like his tone, it made me feel a bit insecure and vulnerable. I knew I had to toughen up as this wasn't going to end up well if I didn't, so I stepped on his foot with all the force I had. He jumped at my sudden attack.

"Seems even **_you_** can't do it." I added casually with my newly-found deep voice, raising my eyebrow and smirking at him while keeping a calm composure.

"Man up and stop sneaking around. If you want to fight, fight fair." He replied, punching me in my stomach. I reflexively kicked him back and clenched my teeth careful to not groan or let out any sign of weakness.

"Bloody bastards! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" The Captain's insults started pouring like rain over our heads, bringing me back to present. I looked around and it seemed the blond man and I were the new center of attention.

"State your freaking names!" He shouted, startling me, as he walked towards us, the wind ruffling his long rich ponytail adding to his menacing look.

"Kagamine Len, Sir! I'm here in lieu of Kagamine Leon! " The blond young man replied.

"Sak-…" I stuttered and stopped myself midway. What was I doing?! I hadn't even thought of a name for me. It didn't seem wise to use my previous family name, it would bring unwanted attention, and people would wander how was I related to the family.

"Sac? " Captain Kamui asked, lifting an eyebrow and slightly tilting his head with fake calmness in his face as his patience started running out.

"Sak-…. Sakura Meito, sir! In lieu of Sakine Akio!" I threw at him the first name I could think of.

"Your family name is Sakura? I didn't know you had relations with the Sakines."

"No wonder you're a bloody weakling, Sakura. Sa-ku-ra!" The Kagamine guy sneakily mocked, but he was rewarded with an echoing slap from the captain.

"Our families –Sakine and Sakura- are old acquaintances, sir!" I said, relatively getting used to the powerful deep voice I had set for my new persona.

"Well then it seems Sakura and Kagamine will be sharing the cleaning and organizing duty during lunch time. And I will not be this soft when I punish you next time so make sure to not repeat the same goddamned joke again. Now piss off!"

Great. Now I was going to miss lunch **_and_** spend a lovely noon with that Kagamine brat. Sweet.  
Oh, and I have also angered Kamui. Not that I hated angering him or anything, it just wasn't exactly beneficial to me in my very circumstances.

"We'll start your damn training! Our first task is to run to the base of the mountain and back to the camp in four hours. If you can't make it, I suggest you join women in mopping the floors while the rest of us fight and bring pride upon the country!"

"Yes, sir!" Everyone –but me –saluted, unified. Join women in mopping the floors? Really? If we weren't fighting on the same side, I would've gotten the world rid of him and his annoyance. Curse him and his morals.

We started off behind the captain who was running at an insanely inhuman speed. I wasn't slow myself, but compared to him, my efforts were like mere dust. At first, most of the soldiers were able to keep up, however around an hour later, the numbers were reduced to less than a half. A few were running at a similar inhuman speed right behind him, some were way too far behind to be seen, and some were in between…somewhere where I seemed to rank.

"Hey, Sakura kid." The blond young guy from earlier grinned at me, fixing his short ponytail.  
"Not you again!" I managed to mutter in between the fragments of my ragged breath.

"You're not doing a bad job, you know. For a cherry blossom, you're quite tough." I rolled my eyes at his remark, and balled my hands into fists.

"Oh come on, I'm just trying to chat up, I don't want to be your enemy!" He said.

"Let's see…You're still insulting me, you got us punished and thanks to you, we will be left lunch-less…" I started counting his crimes against me trying not to get too angry and to stay focused on following the captain's lead as quickly as my leg muscles could manage.

"Chill! What are you so angry for? I've only talked to you twice and I've already got the idea that you're always boiling like a magical potion ready to explode in the face of anyone who dares to breathe near you! Calm down now, would you? You don't have to turn everything for a fight, Meito! We're soldiers, yes, but we're not in a battle now, are we?!"

I slowed down a bit as his words sank in…It was the first time this kind of thinking crossed my mind, but perhaps he was right. Had it always been my fault? Had I always been the one fueling the fights? It seemed as if my eyes were finally open at something that I've never even pictured before…Had I always been too blinded by my ideals and standards to see the truth?  
How many of the fights with my family would have been avoidable if only I had thought of my behavior like this before? How many problems would have been unnecessary and preventable if I had considered that it might have been my way of dealing with things that had actually caused it all? Maybe it wasn't my thoughts and beliefs that stirred problems, maybe it had always been my attitude. Maybe I was firing too early and not giving anyone a chance to negotiate with me.  
I could feel my eyes starting to get moist, but as strong as I have always been, I shrugged it off and hardened my facial expression. I wouldn't let weakness leak out.

"You know, that was too damned deep coming from a no-brainer like you." A pale rose-haired man commented coolly at Len's words.  
"Yuuma. Hanamura Yuuma. Pleased to meet you."

"Er, Sakura Meito, the pleasure is mine." I could hear Len trying to hide his laugh as I recited my newly made-up name once more.

"Please stop repeating that name, it's too freaking hilarious." The blond youth said between his crazy fits of laughter. I just sighed in disappointment and picked up my pace leaving the two men behind me, one still chuckling and unable to catch his breath, the other staring at him nonchalantly as if he were just another madman on a normal day.

"I hope he didn't offend you…you seem to be a tough guy." The brown-haired man from earlier caught me off guard.

"Nah, I'm fine." I replied trying to sound as calm as possible. It truly wasn't annoying me anymore, anyway.

"I'm Hiyama Kiyoteru, the sanest of the trio, hopefully."

"Nice to meet you. So you're all friends, huh?" I didn't mind chatting to others as it took my mind off the burning feeling in my legs, and the deadly fatigue washing over me. It seemed to help me keep going without spending too much effort to keep my sanity.

"We are. Is it possible none of your friends is enlisted in the army? This morning you seemed rather lonely and confused."

Well I don't have any male friends, I wanted to say.  
"Of course I do, I just didn't come across any of them today, you know how busy and crowded it was this morning." I actually said.

"Anyways, military is a good place to form new comrades. Don't you think?"

"Er, sure." I mumbled, not really convinced.

We continued the rest of our way silently, as our pace got slower and slower. At a point, it seemed impossible to keep going, every part of my body was burning, tearing, and begging for a rest, but in the end I arrived at the mountain base just in time and without taking a break. As soon as I saw the familiar face of the captain, I collapsed on the floor knowing that I had finally caught up like a long-awaited wish was finally coming true. It felt so satisfying to just lie on the ground and breath; it was nice to rest the limbs that I had once lost feeling of.

"Here." One of the men who were with the captain said as he threw a bunch of wooden buckets towards the newly-arriving men.

"What…do we do with them..?" I inquired, still lying dead on the ground, catching my breath.

"Fill them with water from the nearby river, you're going to bring them back to the camp with you."

"What?!" I exclaimed louder that I meant to. Apparently, becoming a soldier was much harder than I had initially thought. It had only been less than a day yet I was already mentally and physically exhausted. Just running like that for so long had used up all my energy. It was a test for both my strength and stamina.

"Come on!" Len complained loudly as he threw his weary body on the ground, having just arrived a moment ago. Yuuma sighed as he sat down next to the blond youth, leaning his back against the giant tree next to him.

"The muscles of your upper body need training just as much. Holding the buckets while running will do the job." Kiyoteru stated, as he joined their little party.

"Besides, this is going to serve as the damned water you'll drink and clean your filthy selves with, so don't even think about spilling it." The man who gave us the buckets warned.

I sat up and readied myself for the next task. This wasn't going to be easy, but I wasn't any close to giving up. For my father, my family, our Empire, and myself, I was determined on fulfilling my duty to the very last of me.


End file.
